its fall!

okay you guys, first day of Autumn was yesterday! yippee! and I don't know about you. but where I'm at, its already freaking cold. love it.

you have no idea how much I love fall. favorite season hands down. I love the trees, and the cold rainy grey weather. no, I'm not all goth and depressed or anything, I just think rain is really nice a relaxing.

So anywayzies, I've been mildly sick for about two weeks, not sick enough to stay home and wallow in my sorrow all day, but sick enough to feel sorta crappy. so I didn't want to get anyone else sick... so I've barely touched my boyfriend during those two weeks. because the one time he tried to kiss me, he spiked a fever. I don't even know why I just told you that. but I did.

On another note,

here.

cold morning from Shuka4 on Vimeo.

do you want to have sex?

okay. so I've been thinking. about sex

if I'm ready. y'know. to do THAT.

and if and when I'm ready, HOW. like I've been going through scenarios in my head.

like will I use protection?

will I be on the pill?

what if the condom breaks

what if neither of use uses protection

what if I get an STD

what if I get pregnant.

honestly, I'm really only worried with the STD one.

what I mostly spend time thinking about is where.

and with who.

usually, what comes to mind, is in a car. with Spencer.

why a car? because.

and now I'm thinking, if I asked him if he wanted to. what would he say?

I'm not saying I'm going to ask him, I'm just super curious as to what he would say.

I don't know.

I don't know if I'm not ready. if that makes sense.

I'm just worried it's going to be like that one Degrassi episode where that one Indian chick has sex with that one guy who acts like he's too cool for her just cause he's older than her, and afterwards she's like "it was scary and awkward and I don't want to ever do that ever again" and its just drama drama DRAMA. because that would just really not be good.

Last Day Dream [HD] from Chris Milk on Vimeo.

monolith

MONOLITH WAS FUCKING AWESOME!

It's really something everyone should experience at least once.

everyone there is so hip and friendly and awesome.

Emily got super down and dirty with one of the guys there, I didn't, because I'm taken and I would NEVER ever do that to him.

it was fun. next year. I'm definitely going. fo sho.

monolith

photography by: everyoneisfamous.com (he has amazing nightlife shots)

I'm going to monolith bitches! come with me! it's going to be amazing!

I'm currently eating a warm bun and drinking hot coffee, mmmmmmmmm. so good.

I probably should go and get ready.... yeah. okay.

higher and higher

So first off, I saw Obama's "pep talk" to students today. my opinion? what the hell was so controversial about that speech? it was an inspiring and uplifting speech. It made me want to work harder for my goals. it really opened my eyes and made me say "wow, I can do this, I can do whatever I want" and hearing someone tell me that I can be who I want to be made me feel special. and that message coming from the president? yeah, you best believe I'm goin' to be gettin' it done. for sure.

btw, thats a pic of me when I was a youngin'. I think thats when we were still living in NY.

Finally, I got the chance to go to the gym. it was great, I feel so much ligher and healthier. plus, I biked there. amazingness. I feel a lot better now.

by the way, happy labor day! so far, mine has been great.

I think everyone should do something they normally wouldn't on a regular monday, like go shopping. or go to the gym. or go hiking. or go to vitamin cottage or sunflower market and get some totally awesome burt's bees skin care products! thats what I did! horray! facial cleanser! whee!

anywayzies, I'm looking on urbanoutfitters.com for a cool book, and I found this. I think I'm going to seriously buy it, it looks like a great read. fucking buy a book and read it, you liitle twat. god.

things you need to do to look cool:

#1 go to the gym

#2 shop at U.O

#3 read.

#4 have a pet tiger

#5 combine 3 and 4 (aka read a book about training tigers)

4 and 5 are optional. but whatever. it's your choice to be fully cool, or only semi-cool.

The Drums - "Let's Go Surfing" Music Video from Pheasant Plucker on Vimeo.

butter cup

let me kick this to you right quick:

spencer is the cutest thing ever. He's so different. in a good way. and I really never realized just how artistic he is, he's into graphic design, and he just now ordered a Nikon D40 (I think, maybe it was the D60, thats what he should have gotten, because he would have gotten a free lens with them from his Uncle, who just happens to be a professional photographer himself, and does ads for skate magazines and stuff like that) but anywayzies, here's spencer's gallery

so. I finally got my iPod fixed, and I just now realized that every single guy working at the apple store is cute. Like, I mean, REALLY adorable. I don't know if I've told you this before, but I've had a fling with an apple store employee, yes. well, not really a fling, basically, I got his number and we texted non-stop, and the one time he asked me on a date, I didn't go because I had plans with a girlfriend that night, and then one night he asked me for nude pics, and that was that. which brings me to my next point: things you should NEVER do for a guy;

#1 send nude pics.

thats so junior high. I mean really. not that I sent nudie's to my guy friends in middle school, I would never do that (I'm serious, I know it sounds like I'm being sarcastic, but I'm not) and fine, you want to see me naked? lets have sex. you can see me naked when we have sex, but 'till then, chill, kaysies?

#2 take it up the butt.

NO. ouch! do you want a sore bum? didn't think so. how 'bout you just have sex like a normal person. mmkay?

#3 blow job

ew.... thats so nasty. he should be doing that to you. yeah, next time he asks you to give him one, strap on a dick and tell him to blow you. yeah. see how he likes it. word.

#4 hand job

god, if he needs that so bad, why can't he just do it himself? he's a big boy, and he's perfectly capable of doing it. god, it's like he's a four year old who needs help tying his freakin' shoelaces. Do you want me to help you button up your coat too? grow a pair.'jesus.

#5 pay for the date.

bitch, are you kidding me??? you want ME to pay for what YOU ate? oh hell no. girls barely eat anything well at least I do) so I'm really no trouble. but guys? you eat like pigs. I'm not paying for all your greasy hamburgers and pizzas, bitch get a job.

holding hands and singing songs

Today was a long, but great day. after lunch, spencer decided he'd walk me to my class, yeah too cute, and we JUST started datin'.. its great, like he feels totally diff from any other guy I've dated, like with him I feel like I could act like a complete loser and he'd still somehow find that attractive. so we're walking to classes and he askes me "so where are you getting your homecoming dress? I mean, like what color do you think it's gonna be, cause I think I have a blue shirt, and a pink shirt somewhere, I gotta figure out what I'm wearing" and I burst out laughing, because that's the funniest thing ever, my boyfriend is worried about what he's going to wear to homecoming, and I haaven't even thought about the dress I'm looking for. and spencer is so not metro. at least not 'till now...

and yes, I AM using a diff font color. change it uppp. mix it up, burn it up, pump it up, pump up the jam, pump it up. sorry.

and then after school today, I went shopping with emsie and I got the coolest sweater at urban and I also got a tee, a hat, and some glasses. I'm set. emsie got a really kick ass shirt. and I think right after I finish this post, I'm gonna go destroy a pair of my jeans, like, just go crazy with the scissors and bleach. I'll post a pic once I'm done.

qoute o' the day?

"ew, I would never want to (sexually) moan spencers name, thats like moaning the name Urkel (from Family matters)"

fatty

The Aries woman is competitive in all areas of life. You love to stay active, so chances are that you look forward to working out to a fast, catchy tune. Your style is casual and relaxed–you make sure you wear your clothes and that they don't wear you! With your athletic body, you can make anything look cool.

yes. that is, in fact, my horoscope. on Urbanoutfitters.com get your horoscope here too, its legit.

however, I don't feel like this is me right now, in fact, I feel extremely fat and bloated. I mean, I always feel like that, but even more so now. and what do I do about it? nothing. I need to get off my ass, and go to the gym.

but I guess no one else is noticing how fat I've gotten, because I have a boyfriend now. bitch yeah.

that party

was bad ass.

list of things that happened.

1) my sisters heart got broken, twice

2) emsie broke her collar bone and had to go to the ER before the sun even went down

3) my best friend got stabbed (figuratively) in the back and got her heart broken

4) and I got asked to homecoming.

it was def a party, thats for sure.

here's the pictures to prove it:

bitch please

photography: me

so. the party is about three days away.

its going to pretty much be amazing. that is, IF lots of people show up. and from what I've seen and heard. LOTS of people are showing up.

but I know for a fact that none of you guys care. so I'll talk about something more interesting.

boys and clothes and makeup. and sex.

I recently discovered just how clueless girls are when it comes to guys. like seriously. CLUELESS. I mean, I'm no casanova, but jesus. some people's kids. I'm here to forgive you for your sins, and offer you salvation.

#1 never, EVER say you're stupid/dumb/ugly to a guy. not only will this show him that you're nervous in front of him, but it tells him that you want/need/crave attention. and thats not attractive.

#2 um. wear makeup. I don't mean to sound like a catty bitch. but seriously, not a lot. just enough to look more attractive, like make it look natural. unless its late, then you can play it up, but during the day, chill with the lipstick and eyeshadow.

#3 buy burts bee's products, they're natural, and they work. I use the citrus scrub every day after washing my face with thier deep cleansing face wash, and then after the scrub, I use the toner and then lotion. works great. and thier shampoo works really REALLY well. more moisture and super shiny. do it.

#4 do not throw yourself at men. I mean, they should be throwing themselves at us for christs sake. like they should be idolizing us, not the other way around. think about it, we're way more alluring and unique, we have the most beautiful outlook on life, we put more work into looking good for them? fuck that.

#5 listen to better music.

what not to wear

okay, so I feel like I need to get this out. like this has been bothering me for forever. seriously. its a what not to wear, and what is awesome-to-wear-list you guys. oh em gee.

NOT.

#1 muscle shirts

I don't care if you can rock it, I don't care if you wish you could rock it. Don't fucking wear a muscle shirt. I don't want to see your abs 24/7, I want to see your abs when we go to the pool, or when we have sex. I want it to be a suprise, like "SUPRISE! I'M BEEFY!!" and to all the girls who wear muscle shirts and think they look awesome? YOU DON'T, YOU LOOK LIKE A TRASHY, RED-NECK LITTLE SKANKY BITCH. who could possibly beat me up. BUT PROBABLY NOT. please, just say no.

#2 fishnet

fishnet has to be the skankiest shittiest fakist lamest dumbest ugliest thing ever.

never ever wear this.

#3 wife-beaters in public

do you even know how lazy and gross that makes you look? jesus, you might as well be trying to pick up girls in your pajamas. nasty.

YES.

#1 v-necks

if your not hairy (this applies to most girls and some guys) v-necks are extrely sexy, like I think I have nothing BUT v-necks in my wardrobe. v-necks are amazing. especially from U.O or american apparel

#2 sweaters and button ups

sooo cute! on both girls and guys! like seriously, if I see a guy wearing a legit sweater, I will ask him out. for sure. not really, but I'll probably want to.

#3 glasses

if you can rock 'em, don't sock 'em.

in other words, if you are totally fucking gorgeous with glasses, who's to say you can't wear them! glasses are amazing! go buy a pair now!

overload aka what the hell

photography: http://everyoneisfamous.com/

1. found out homecoming is NEXT MONTH

what the hell, that is NOT enough time for me to woo spencer and make him fall in love with me, I need at least two whole months. at least. whatever. that is lame

2. my phone is officially lost,

what the hell!? and now I need to pay for a new one, along with the party that I'm single-handedly funding with my itty bitty paycheck.

3. derrek won't tell me anything about spencer.

what the hell. what a little back stabbing jerk, just kidding, I love you derrek, but I was counting on you, and you totally let me down. thumbs down on that one.

3. my party is next weekend!?

what the hell!

I feel so busy right now.

i shouldn't even be doing this, I'm much too busy.

but whatever

like oh em gee you guyz, spencer and I are totally instant messaging eachother right now! at this very second! like omfg! lol!

sorry.

this weekend needs to be amazing. I need it to be amazing. I need to get shit done that weekend. like I fucking need to get my party shit figured out.

sorry this post is so boring.

star struck

photo: http://claytes.deviantart.com/

video: http://vimeo.com/4193898

I've been single for about..... eight and a half months.

holy shit. that's a long time.

I'm making a pact right now to get a boyfriend. he's name will be spencer.

he'll be a blond haired, blue eyed babe about my height, who sits with me at lunch, and who talks with me about things that I don't talk about with anyone else. he'll be fresh and new and clean.

yes. he does exist. and yeah, all of the above is true. and yeah, he probably likes me too, otherwise he wouldn't pay any attention to me. and he wouldn't move his geometry book so I could sit next to him, or beg me not to waste money on buying bottled water, or teach me how to make a paper airplane.

but I don't know for sure, and if there's one thing I hate, its being unsure (actually, that's not true, there's a LOT of things I hate more than being unsure, like herpes, I hate herpes way more than I hate being unsure, and the word "cunt" I hate that word so much)

so for now, I'll wait until I catch derrek alone (a mutual friend between spencer and I) and ask him. because derrek can't keep a secret to save his life, one of the many reasons I love him. I know, that's usually a bad thing, but for some reason, it hasn't been a problem with derrek.

anyways, my party is on the 29th. it is (hopefully) going to be HUGE. like planetarily colossally monumentally enormous. a few things on the grocery list? (for the party)

1. about a hundred plus glowsticks

2. tons of silly string

3. strobe lights

4. bitchin'-ness

5. pretzels

so pretty much, its going to kick ass.

unless it's cold.

then that would suck. but oh well, I think everyone will warm up with all the dancing they're gonna be doing. for real.

Nightlife from Nicolaug2k on Vimeo.